Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
