Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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