It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
