don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
