watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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