god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
