I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
