Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
