so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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