I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
