I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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