awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
