she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
