You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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