My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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