I'm drive I can fine osifer
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
