Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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