I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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