i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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