I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
