My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
