just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he was CRYING into my vagina
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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