i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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