they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
