First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
