Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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