NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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