Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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