Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
