are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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