this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
