I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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