Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
