just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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