Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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