Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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