Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's the barista slut.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
