I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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