im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
