Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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