just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
