There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
