you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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