This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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