um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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