There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
