she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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