is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
