dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
