her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
