My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk is not a location!
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