i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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