im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
