life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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