You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I intend to get homeless drunk
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
