I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
