I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
