Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
