id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the day after is always just damage control
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
